The therapeutic relationship is one of the most "sacred" institutions in our
culture today. It is in this place that we are encouraged to be vulnerable, to allow
ourselves to feel emotions long buried and forgotten, and often times, relive some painful
and violating past memories. In this relationship, a therapist can often times be looked
upon with the same trust that a small child would place upon a parent, or an adult would
place in a mentor/guide. S/He is the one who is counted upon to help us rebuild broken
dreams and shattered souls. Yet, sometimes it is that very person who can violate us the
most. When this happens, who do we look to for help, Where do we turn, how do we learn
that we are not alone, and how do we heal?. Do we go to the libraries and look up
information about what has happened to us? We can, but odds are the library shelves will
be barren. For therapy abuse is a "silent topic", one rarely talked about and
often swept under the carpet. For instance, try this simple task. Bookmark this page, then
jump to your closest, most trusted Search Engine. Once your there, type in the words
"Therapy Abuse" and note how many exact matches come up. Then, type in Abuse By
Professionals and see how many responses you receive. Once you've done this, try a
different approach. Type in the words "Abuse" and note the number of URL's that
this search retrieves. Notice a difference? Remember that difference, and image how you
would feel if you were a survivor of such betrayed trust.
THE PURPOSE OF THIS SECTION:
I have placed this special section here to help educate those about the value and
trust that is involved in the therapy process, and how a violation of this relationship
can effect the survivor. You see, I AM a survivor of therapy abuse. I know first hand how
devastating it is to be abused by the one who was supposed to help me through an awful
period in my life. I know the fear, the denial, and the coping behaviors that followed.
Most of all, I know the shame and the secrecy. What I no longer wish to know, nor wish for
anyone else to experience, is the SILENCE.
"Its hard for me to acknowledge that someone who was supposed to help me, hurt
me. I want to say I'm bad if I think he did. I tried so hard not to cry, to be afraid,
panic, fear the fear while he held me. It was like being held down while I was raped
{which was why I was there in the first place}. I watched from a safe distance, like a
movie happening to someone else. I pass over the fear and anger and confusion because it
doesn't belong to me. It belongs to whoever watched the film take place. When they try to
meet each other, I am lost and alone and it swallows me up. So I starve or purge it away.
I push my body hard to punish it, to punish that one for not running away, for not telling
sooner. For being afraid." - an excerpt from a journal entry I made in 1994.
NOTE: Therapy Abuse can manifest itself in many forms. They may include, but are
not limited to: actual sexual contact with the client, frequent inappropriate jokes and or
sexual comments from the therapist, encouraging dependence on the therapist, and emotional
manipulation.
WORDS TO LEARN BY:
SUGGESTED READINGS
Sex In The Therapy Hour by: Bates, Carolyn and Annette Brodsky
The Lecherous Professor by: Dziech, B.
Growing Beyond Abuse: A Workbook For Survivors Of Sexual Exploitation by: Nestingen,
M.A, & Lewis, Ruth
At Personal Risk: Boundary Violations In Professional-Client Relationships by:
Peterson, Marilyn
What To Do When Psychotherapy Goes Wrong by: Siegel, Shirley
Sex In The Forbidden Zone by: Rutter, Peter
Psychotherapist Sexual Involvement With Clients: Interventions And Prevention by:
Walk In Counseling Center, Minneapolis, MN
"All of us will take different paths in our healing process. The critical
thing to remember as we travel, is that we do not travel alone." Words from a
survivor
COUNTING THE
COSTS: MY PERSONAL LOSSES
I lost my trust in those who were to help me.
My self-esteem and my belief in myself were shattered
I lost time for myself and time with other people
I lost my faith in my instincts
I lost many nights of safe sound sleep. Instead my nights were full of nightmares
Jobs were lost due to medical consequences from my coping skills
Money was lost to my medical bills and days off from work
My energy was depleted by the chaos created in my mind from the abuse and the eating
disorder that enabled me to hide from it
I lost many friends
I lost hope in my future
I lost time, both with gaps in my memory and days that can never be recaptured
My concentration was severely diminished
My enjoyment in activities with other people was gone. Now it was safer to be alone.
I lost what was left of my ability to allow nurturing foods and water into my system.
Instead I punished myself for "my shame"
My "Voice" fell silent
I lost all sense of safety in this life
Spontaneity
Dignity
My "Cohesiveness" - understanding of how and why things happened - disappeared
Many tears were shed and much blood was lost as I desperately tried to rid myself of the
ugliness that the abuse created inside of me.
I lost the ability to be touched by another human being. All touch was suddenly suspect
to future abuse and often times generated flashbacks and or fear.
Most of all.... I nearly lost myself and the life inside of me.
How could you do this to me. I came to you for help, not to be abused again. I came
to you hoping to find peace from my nightmares, yet you only made them grow by leaps and
bounds. You told me the rape was my fault, or perhaps I had simply misunderstood the
events. You told me I was defective. Do you know how much I HATE that word?! Can you see
me now? Can you see me sitting here alone in the dark, crying silent tears and trying so
desperately to get out the ugliness you planted in me. Can you hear the words spinning in
my head: 'defective...defective... DEFECTIVE' I won't let you break me. Do you hear? Your
touch will not be the last thing I remember. Your words will not be the last ones I
hear." Journal entry
YOU ARE NOT ALONE:
OTHERS WHO HEAL WITH YOU ON THE WEB
A LIGHT ON THE
JOURNEY: PLACES TO TURN TO FOR HELP
WALK IN COUNSELING CENTER
2421 Chicago Ave South
Minneapolis, MN 55404
(612) 870-0565
BASTA: Boston Association To Stop Treatment Abuse
528 Franklin St.
Cambridge, MA 02139
(617) 661-4667
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
PO Box 115
Waban, MA 02168
(617) 964-TELL
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: I spent quite awhile on the phone a few years back talking
with BASTA. The people there were helpful in providing me with information and referrals.
Just this week, I had a need to call them again for information in another state. I feel
it is important to note that Estelle Disch, PHD, CCS (a director of BASTA) was not only
kind and full of resources and information for me, but she treated me with respect. The
same was true when I placed a second call to the WALK IN COUNSELING CENTER. Again, this
was my experience, and it will tend to differ based on the person you speak with, and the
personality of the caller, but I felt it worth special recognition here. All to often,
those who help us, forget that we are courageous survivors, not just a voice on the other
end of the line.
PICKING UP THE
PIECES: TAKING THE STEPS TO HEAL
FINDING A REPUTABLE THERAPIST: This is one of the hardest parts to healing. Now,
not only do you have the event(s) that brought you to therapy in the first place, but you
have a deep betrayal as well. To think of turning to someone else, to allow yourself to be
placed in that position again, is terrifying. Yet, this is exactly where we need to begin.
So how do we reach past the fear and try again, while making sure we are protected and
believed? We learn to make informed selections based on what we need and want.
CHOOSE INFORMATIVELY: SOME TIPS TO FINDING SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST:
Call or write local hotlines in your area or national organizations, such as the ones
listed above, and ask for information and referrals.
Ask other survivors for names and resources
Check credentials!
Ask if the therapist has worked with other survivors. Does S/He "believe" you
or try to change your perception of the abuse.
How long has S/He been practicing?
Follow your instincts! Choosing a therapist can be a long term investment in your growth
and healing. Whether you are able to see it and believe it or not, you are a valuable
person, and deserve the best care possible.
Schedule an evaluation session. While you're there, pay attention to how you feel in the
office. Is it a safe and comfortable feeling?
Talk about it to other friends whom you can trust. If you aren't comfortable talking
face to face, try an on-line chat room, bulletin board, or newsgroup. Reaching out is
hard, but in the long run, its worth it.
BASTA has graciously given me permission to copy their
pamphlet on what to look for and what to question in the therapy relationship. Please
follow this link to view the chart. If your browser does not support FULL view of this
table, you may e-mail me and I will happily
send it to you. If you choose to print this table, please be sure that it is copied with
Full credit being given to BASTA: BOSTON ASSOCIATION TO STOP TREATMENT ABUSE.
Click here to view this valuable
information!
Proceed with therapy and take no action against the therapist.
Complain anonymously to the Professional Organization of which S/He is a member.
Write a letter to the ex-counselor and let them know the damage that has been done.
However, be sure to specify whether or not you wish to have further contact with him/her
to discuss the issue.
If you have a Confrontation/Processing session with the abusing therapist, PLEASE, be
sure to do so with a trusted professional in the room with you.
CHOOSING FOR MYSELF: KNOWING WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR ME
When the truth was finally out in the open, and I had to decide how I would proceed
with it, I was literally overwhelmed. Those who knew me and knew of my experience were
quick to offer opinions and advice. It seemed as if everyone suddenly knew what was best
for me, what I could "handle" and what I should do. Funny, those were the same
words my ex-counselor had used to justify his actions.
In truth, the decision to go to court, to keep quiet, or to confront him had to be mine
and mine alone. It couldn't be based on what others saw in me, though their opinions did
matter. Instead it had to be based on what I felt I wanted. That's such a hard decision to
make when you are no longer confident in your inside instincts. Each path seems to bear
it's own consequences.
In the end, I chose to confront. I chose to give him back what was rightfully his. I
may never know if he accepted it and learned, but I will always know, I did what I needed
to do for me.
SPECIAL
REQUEST: From The Centre for Research on Violence Against Women and Children
Disclaimer: The views and opinions that have been presented on this
topic are based on my own personal struggle. I am not a therapist, or even a professional.
I AM a survivor.
A large part of the building of this page was to speak out against a
silent and sinister form of abuse taking place in our society today. Those who are abused
in the therapy process live under a cloud of silence and shame. For this reason, as well
as many others, BIBRI is proud to join the members of the "LET THE TRUTH RING OUT" WebRing.
May the truth ring out loud, clear and strong, and may it be well received throughout the
land.
THE PURPOSE OF THIS SECTION: 
first hand how
devastating it is to be abused by the one who was supposed to help me through an awful
period in my life. I know the fear, the denial, and the coping behaviors that followed.
Most of all, I know the shame and the secrecy. What I no longer wish to know, nor wish for
anyone else to experience, is the SILENCE. 
Join The WWW Candlelight
Vigil Against Violence
